One evening I was rambling on about something and stopped to ask Betsy, “What do you think about that?” She replied, “Oh, well, because you were talking, I wasn’t listening.”
In true Orwellian fashion, “newspeak” indeed survives and is alive and well in our culture…just heard this from leadership during a tour…Jamie “Yes, the Project X layout is the new Global Standard Design, however, it is only applicable in one location.” P&G Engineering Associate Director, 4/17/12
“It would be a crime to have an optional meeting on a mandatory game day.” Bree Hedman
“If you can hate the sin but love the sinner, can I hate the belief but not the believer?” from a Sylvan Grovian, or is it Sylvanite?
Top Four Asinine Statements by P&G “Leaders” (from my archives) #1: (Engineering Associate Director during $150M Consolidation Projects in New Orleans, we all lived in Cincinnati) “I really appreciate all of you saving money by flying from Dayton thru Atlanta to New Orleans and back every Sunday afternoon and Friday night on this project. Now, as I only go down to check on the project every couple months, it’s too much of a hassle for me to screw with going through Dayton” (the other four asinine stories are too specific and boring)
“A child of 5 could understand this. Quick, someone go fetch a five year old child.” Lowell Mitchell
“I saw it but I haven’t looked at it.” Jamie Meeks to Jeremy Brown while passing in hallway regarding a document.
Use the “broken shrub” or “hairy hand” technique whenever handing over a project. Leave an obvious defect so the customer feels like they’ve contributed by finding the defect. Ryan Swart
“Let’s make sure this does not delay your project,” Jamie’s Boss, after we were informed the approval system had glitches and my funding would be significantly delayed.
“No matter what it is, it’s going to cost $250k, as long as that it what it is” Lowell Mitchell
What do you call a woman that works as hard as a man?……Lazy
Halftime at a high school football game…to the guy in front of us, “Excuse me, can you sit down, please, we’re trying to watch…” The guys says, “What? The game isn’t playing right now.” Jamie, “Well, we’re not here to watch your kid sit on the bench, we’re here to watch our kids perform the halftime band show.” 2015
Quote from a Safety Training Manual: Every one of these rules was written in blood.
Here’s what I really wanted to say when I actually sent out a kind notice to the plant about a facilities issues we were having…WtH is wrong with you? Are you really that disrespectful of other people doing their job? Are you so damned important that your immediate needs always outweigh any other consideration? Are you so cowardly and weak that you see this as an opportunity to show your importance by demeaning people you believe are beneath your dignity? You don’t deserve to work here…please take a long walk off a short dock somewhere and make the world a better place…may the fleas of a thousand camels invade your armpits…did your mother drink throughout all her pregnancies or just yours?…i don’t have the time or crayons to explain to you why this is bad…I bet lepers avoid you…I wish we were better strangers…the Jerk Store called, they want you to return, they are running out of inventory….
“All will be well in the end…If all is not well, it must not be the end”.
“There is no situation for which a tank battle scene is not appropriate.” Mark Hoepner, after I asked him whether the movie Fury crossroads “stay to the end” scene would be appropriate for our monthly Engineering dept meeting as an opener.
Brian Evans, stating that “capitalism drives what we are willing to pay professional athletes.” Jamie quipped, “More specifically; Beer, Erectile Dysfunction and Luxury Cars ads pay for our professional sports teams.”
I have great faith in fools – self-confidence my friends will call it.
Sparky: “Hey, Janis, a buddy of mine is single…he’s 55 years old and bald…would you like to meet him?” Janis: “No.” Sparky: “What’s wrong? Is it because he is 55 or because he’s bald?” Janis: “You lost me at “a buddy of mine.”
The topic came up that some of us liked country music and the director (John Johnson, of “nits on the nuts of gnats” fame) asked if I liked the recent involvement of country star TG Sheppard appearing on promotions within NASCAR (stock car racing) of our Folgers car (we sponsored a car at that time ~ 1988 or so). “Not really,” I said, “maybe if you are into washed up old B-list singers suddenly getting famous singing about lonely wives, with their husbands off to war, having sex with their teenage farm hands.” (War is Hell on the Homefront Too). The table went silent…the director then said, calmly, “Uh, I see you feel strongly about this, let’s talk about something else.”
I don’t like country music. But, I don’t want to denigrate those of you who do. For those of you who like country music, denigrate means “to put down.” (Bob Newhart)
Jamie was asked to provide a quote to his boss about a recent seminar, “The workshop enabled disruptive, synergistic collaboration to undermine paradigms that were blocking our holistic, end-to-end efforts to leverage our scale.” Boss, “Try again.” Jamie, “I really appreciated learning about P&G science-based assessment of the situation and how intertwined our values are with being a part of the solution. And, meeting talented colleagues and learning about successes (and learnings!) at other sites is always valuable.” Boss, “That’s better :-)”
Lowell Mitchell, “We were smart enough to make it work, but, not wise enough not to do it.”
Lowell Mitchell, after his boss stopped by at 5:00 PM on a Friday and spend the next hour explaining his great new project idea, then asking Lowell, “What do you think about that?” Lowell, “I am thinking I wish I would have left at 4:30.”
“She thinks I am healthy, so she gave me leftover bananas. I made banana daiquiris out of them.” Kate Bryant
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.” George Carlin
Colin pipes up, “I don’t like to ride with Ryan when you are not there, Jamie. You slow things down so it is easier for me to keep up with Ryan.”
Imagine how Tonto felt when someone would say, “Hey, ‘Lone’ Ranger.”
“Anyone not here? If so, raise your hand. Otherwise, let’s get this meeting started.” Ryan Swart
“If a man says he’ll fix something, he’ll get it done. There’s no reason to remind him every six months.” Chris Mueller
One response to “Submitted for your approval…short ones”
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Keep ‘em comin’ Jamie!
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